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It's only been a week since Jon and I stopped talking but it feels like forever...

I think about him everyday. I wanted to call him the first day of school, call him between classes like the good days but obviously that's completely out of the question.

I just read his LJ post and he seems to be okay. I feel bad for what happened to Laura, and I wanted to say something but I wasn't sure how to go about it. I wanted to be with him during that time, but again, that couldn't happen.

Of course, I'm curious to know that if he still wants to be with me but he promised he'd let me know if things changed.

My feelings haven't.

But I feel like we're growing apart now that we are not talking...

I don't know just felt overwhelmed with emotions when I read his post; happy, mad, sad, scared, excited, etc.

Things are going good for me, I guess. I'm waiting on the cast list for the show Almost, Maine and the Improv Show I got called back for with Lindsey and John. I'm excited for my make-up class, my statistics (sort of because it's supposed to be easy) and the lab because John and a few other friends are in it. My two online classes; American History and Technology for Education majors seem to be pretty easy but we'll see. I'm done for the week by 12:20 tomorrow, so I have a four day weekend... with not really much to do.

So that's an update...

I just miss the day when it all began, it was really simple, and he played this song in class for me:

"Crazy how it feels tonight
Crazy how you make it all alright love
You crush me with the things you do
I do for you anything too
Sitting smoking feeling high
In this moment it feels so right
Lovely lady
I am at your feet
God I want you so badly
I wonder this
Could tomorrow be
So wondrous as you there sleeping
Let's go drive 'till morning comes
Watch the sunrise to fill our souls up
Drink some wine 'till we get drunk
It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
Here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is this real or am I dreaming
Lovely lady
Let me drink you please
I won't spill a drop I promise you
Lying under this spell you cast on me
Each moment
The more I love you
Crush me
Come on
It's crazy I'm thinking
[- From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/d/dave-matthews-band-lyrics/crush-lyrics.html -]
Just knowing that the world is round
Here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is it real or am I dreaming
Lovely lady
I will treat you sweetly
Adore you I mean you crush me
It's times like these
When my faith I feel
And I know how I love you
Come on
It's crazy I'm thinking
Just as long as you're around
And here I'll be dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
To each other we'll be facing
By love we'll beat back the pain we've found
You know
I mean to tell you all the things I've been thinking deep inside
My friend
With each moment the more I love you
Crush me
Come on
So much you have given love
That I would give you back again and again
Meaning I'll hold you
And please let me always"

Buh-bye 2010, Oh hai 2011!

Happy New Year everyone, I hope you had a fun but safe night with friends, family and loved ones.

I spent my New Years for the first time in three years; not with Jon or Chrissy and obviously single. It certainly felt strange, that’s for sure. Not having someone to kiss directly at midnight, not hugging one of my bestest friends but I guess it was time for a change.


2010 was a fantastic year; I performed in my first college one act, finished my first year of college, enjoyed my second job at DelVecchios, lived with Jon for the summer, went to Disney a lot, was on the NBC news set, saw a bunch of shows, went to Miami Seaquarium for the first time, got my wisdom teeth out, dyed my hair for the first time, got into photo shoots, finally got my license, started sophomore year, had my best friend move in with me, got Mischief, starred in my first student film, went to Mickey’s not so scary Halloween for the first time, went to more football games, participated in an Improv workshop, hung out with really old friends, made some really awesome new friends, went to North Carolina for the first time, spent Thanksgiving with my Dad for the first time in 3 years, became an acapella addict, fell in love with Zachary Levi, and many more things.

Well 2010 was fantastic until November 16th, that’s when 2010 needed to hurry it’s ass up and end already. Jon and I broke up, that’s when I felt my world around me crash. It’s always something that I knew would happen one day, just never thought it would. As much as I would hope that we’d be together forever there were things that would always prevent us from doing so. But now we’re having time to find ourselves, and what we want from life in hopes that we may end up finding each other again. Not saying that after that date 2010 sucked, because it didn’t, it just became a little harder to deal with but I managed through it with great friends supporting me the way through.


Now it’s 2011, and I’m not really sure what to expect from this year. I’m excited for it though because this summer I WILL be going to England for a couple of months and Lindsey will, hopefully, be coming over for two weeks as well which will be awesome. Someone else was supposed to come too, I’m not saying that that’s still happening or not because I’m holding onto the possibility that it will because it meant the world to me. This year I should be also getting a car for next semester, so that’s exciting assuming I can find a job but that’s getting harder and harder each bloody day.

I know I should make some New Year’s resolutions but I’m not entirely sure what to put so I might just have to think about it some more before posting them. I know I want to make them but I do every year however I fail to follow through with them so hopefully this year will be different.


1.      Be optimistic

a.      I’m naturally a pessimist, it’s hard but I always have been so I want to try to get out of that because it’s just not good for me or anyone around me.

2.      Get involved with school more

a.      By going to games, go to a Late Knights because I have yet to go to one this year, get involved with the theatre program more, get into a show, etc.

3.      Focus on classes

a.      Since I tend to put TV shows first before studying, I really need to buckle down because I NEED my bright futures back.

4.      Read for pleasure and for class

a.      I used to be a book nerd and I never really read for class so I want to dedicated a day a week since I have time or a couple of hours each/every other day to reading.

5.      Get a job

a.      Self-explanatory… It’s not even a question. I NEED A JOB! (So if anyone knows somewhere that is hiring, that’d be smashing!)

6.      Get straight A’s

a.      Again, self-explanatory. Haven’t gotten straight A’s in college yet so that would be quite cool.

7.      Take each day at a time

a.      I tend to worry about what has happened or what will happen rather than what’s going on in the present so I need to focus more on the now rather than the future.

8.      Try not to worry so much

a.      I’m quite the paranoid person, so I want to stop that. I’ve gotten better, but I still need to change a few more things before I get to that goal.

9.      Start writing again/learn how to hold a note

a.      I used to write poems, stories, etc. I enjoyed doing things of that sort but I just never found time or the creativity but I want to change that and start again OR I want to stop bitching about not being able to sing and learn how to hold a freakin’ note. That’s probably going to be the hardest of the two.


a.      I just need to focus on me before I get into another relationship, or anything of the sort. I haven’t been single in three-ish years, so I want to take this time and focus on myself and figure out what I want from life. I’m going to go out, have fun with friends, and live but in hopes that things will work out for me and Jon so hopefully we’ll get back together. But we’ll see where life takes the both of us.


I think those are good New Year resolutions for now, at least. I wanted to get deeper in this post but I’m still exhausted from last night which was really fun. I was happy to celebrate with my friends up here, it was a change that I did enjoy. Plus me and Lindsey’s decorations were BALLER, lol.  So thanks to everyone who came, I’m glad that you did! :)

Now to start the year by doing laundry, showering, cleaning then hopefully off to my friend’s first concert if I find a way there.

So Happy New Year one and all; I hope this year brings everything you want and more!

Alone on Christmas... not so much.

I’m exhausted thanks to the longest day I’ve had since school got out, thank you Christmas.

Christmas eve I went to bed around 2am then I had to be up by 8am so I could catch my family on Skype. It was nice to wake up Christmas morning and have my family there for me even if it was only through a computer screen. I wish I had gotten up earlier so I could have watched my brothers open presents but I fail at getting up any time that’s before 11pm unless forced.

I spent until 2ish in the afternoon just talking to my mum then when she had to get dinner ready my brothers Jaycob and AJ would come on and teach me how to play with their toys I felt like I was on a infomercial especially when they moved the camera so I couldn’t even see them anymore and just watched this little Nano bug thing run around in circles for a good twenty minutes. It was adorable, it gave me a headache but it was worth it. Then my Granddad came on and spoke to me but bless his heart he was a little tipsy and just sat there for the most part in silence, he was a little confused on how skyped worked I think lol. During the skype conversation, Amber called me which was sweet of her, it just sucks that I have not seen her in so long, it makes me a very sad panda. :(

After they left to go eat dinner I started making my own. I made Yorkshire pudding and for the first time, oven baked chicken. While those were cooking I showered, and made myself all pretty. I’ve seen a few movies where the leading lady is alone, she’ll make dinner for herself but get dressed up just to make herself feel good and not entirely worthless so I took that route. It was like going on a date with myself, which seems a little sad, but I enjoyed it. I prepared my food, along with getting myself my bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling wine and just enjoyed what I had made as Mischief watched me eat. But of course, I gave her half of my chicken because I ended up not finishing it and just devoured the Yorkshire Pudding instead.

As I was eating my mum came back on Skype with me, so that was nice to still have her there for me we didn’t Skype for long because I wanted to watch Pushing Daisies but as I started too my friend, Brad, messaged me so I had to pause the DVD, then Jon called me which was nice to have the longest conversation we had had for a very long time, then I went to talk to Brad again but Jaimie started to skype me and she made me tear up because it was just nice to be thought of as she knew I was alone for Christmas. It was great catching up with her. It’s weird, I know that her and I have never been THAT close as we didn’t really hang out outside the theatre as we weren’t in the same ‘clique’ because there were clique’s within the theatre program at South. But she has always been there for me for the most random moments of my life, and it’s just nice to know that she is there for me. Anyway, we caught up, then she had to go and I went to push play but then Chrissy called me for a quick chat then once she was gone, Sean called me for a few seconds then I was finally able to watch my show… not because Ryan messaged me and then came over with his friend G then moments into hanging out with them Jon called again but it was a short and sweet call.

Ryan, G and I hung out played Last Night on Earth which I had seen a few friends of mine play one night and didn’t think much of it because it’s not really my thing but surprisingly I got really into it which was the last thing I had expected. Afterwards we watched the musical episode of Buffy and just hung out watching Scrubs and talking. They left around 2am, I played online for a bit, then passed out at some point.

It was not the Christmas I had planned on having, but it went surprisingly well. I had fun with my family, enjoyed making dinner for myself and ended the night hanging out with a couple of friends. Of course, I could just get all depressing and say how much I just wanted Jon to walk through the door and surprise me but obviously that would have not happened. Yes, all I wanted to be was with him but I had a good day with thoughts of him the entire time. I may post something later just getting all emotional about yesterday, but for now I just want to focus on the positives of Christmas. 

Just proving to myself that I am okay on my own…


Hopelessly Devoted To You.

had to use that song as the title especially with Kristin Chenoweth singing it in the Pushing Daisies episode I just watched and with what this post is about.

So Jon and I saw one another today for the first time since we went to South Florida to watch SPHS’s version of Hairspray, at least I’m pretty sure that was the last time we saw each other in person. Anyway, it was also the first time we had seen one another since we broke up… So yes, this post is going to be full of emotion and well, not sure what else at the moment so I’m warning you, whoever you are reading this, just be prepared for a whole lot of Crystal’s emotions coming your way.

Today was a really nice day, I was hanging out with Daphne and we were catching up on each others lives. Unfortunately the topic of the day was: Break-Ups. She and her boyfriend Christian just broke up about a week ago, and Jon and I broke up a month ago… Wow yes it was a month ago yesterday… Oh my. Anyway, so yeah, it was a topic that was unavoidable, that and I was curious to know what had happened between the two of them and then I had to explain what happened with Jon and I.

As Daphne was talking she said something that stung a lot, something along the lines of “I looked up to you and Jon because you guys were the “perfect” couple.” Obviously that is in regards to when it came to her relationship with Christian and it’s just really, really bad irony that Jon and I broke up and a month later she and Christian broke up. So she jokingly blames it on us, but I can’t help it to take it to heart. I want to say because she looked up to us, that many others did as well. I mean Jon and I went through a lot together the two and a half years we dated and we did long distance for that long so that’s also an added thing that people liked to commend us on. We were practically inseparable and I’m not sure if that was good or bad. I mean, I lived with him for the summer. Wherever he went, I was right there beside him and vise verse. It was awesome, I loved spending every waking moment with him and I can’t see myself doing that with anyone else, but maybe that is what was slowly hurting us. Too much time together and not enough time to be our own person which is what we’re both doing now and I’m really hoping that eventually our own lives will end up meeting again and we can be together and still be individuals at the same time… But that’s a different post.

Well while Daphne were having lunch I mentioned how I wished that Jon would visit me on his way to South Florida but I highly doubt it would happened, again I need to be careful what I wish for because on our way home from Wal-Mart, Jon texted me asking if I was going to be home in an hour. I hadn’t planned on it because I was going to see a movie with Daphne, but I ended up saying Yes and then that’s when I started to freak out. I was breathing so hard and fast, I started to tear up, but luckily Daphne was there to calm me down. So we went to my place and waited, and I really hate playing the waiting game because I just end up freaking out more.

Finally, Jon showed up with Pat and Shawn and it was nice to see them all. I wasn’t sure how to react, whether to hug Jon or just wait and see if he’d do it first so I just hugged Pat and Shawn and let them in for a little bit. Jon gave me my Christmas present, and I gave him his sunglasses, Up DVD and a vinylmation that I had planned to keep and give to him another time because I wanted to give him one for each day of Hanukkah but then I realized I might not have another chance to give it to him. It was weird though because I felt like giving him those things back was like the end of it all even though I have things like his PS2, Rock Band and a hell of a lot of his stuff that I should be returning if we are truly broken up… I’m just not sure what to do about that… Anyway, I was surprised when he went out to hug me but really glad that he did and then I hated it at the same time. I hugged him as tightly as I could, then I felt that want to kiss him, to tell him I’m sorry and hoping that he would sweep me of my feet and everything would be back to normal again (and here I go… crying, yet again, fuck being a girl and having emotions) but of course that didn’t happen but as the hug was happening he whispered in my ear something along the lines that we would talk soon and I started to cry a little and knew I had to get away from him before I broke down completely so luckily I had his gift that he gave to me in my hands so I had a reason to go into my room so I could put it away and pull myself together. I came back out, faked a smile, and then shortly afterwards they left.

Then cue the break down. I’m so thankful for having Daphne and Lindsey there to hug me and tell me that they thought that I handled it very well for the circumstances and such. I just couldn’t stop the tears, like I can’t stop them now. I wanted to tell Jon how much I loved the pea coat since I was a reason to why he got it, how well he looked, how much I’ve missed him, how much I want him back in my life, how much I still love him but I couldn’t and I still can’t and I know he reads this so it’s only me saying it to him in a way that just isn’t directly to him. So no matter what, I’m screwing everything up but how else am I supposed to vent if he reads everything? And you know what, I actually do not care that I’m spilling out everything because I’m allowed to do that. I’m allowed to still have ALL of these feelings and ALL of the want to want him to know this.

Ever since he left I was just wondering how he reacted afterwards, how he was reacting before seeing me. Curious to know if he was sad after, anxious before, and all of that. I know it was really hard for him, but he was happy to see him and obviously those are my exact feelings too.

It sucks because I know he wants me to be with him and his family for Christmas, but I can’t. No one will be here to take care of Mischief, so I can’t go anywhere. So it looks like I will be officially alone for Christmas… and I’m not so sure how I feel about that. I mean, I have things to do like watch the musicals that Jon got me though I think I’ll cry (hoping I wont) through them being reminded of the fact that he got them for me and I have TV shows to watch. It’s just another day for me, it was only a holiday when it was spent with Jon even though he is Jewish so it really didn’t count then… But you get my drift.

Overall, I’m happy that we got that over with, and I know that the next time we see one another still wont be easy but it’ll be a little less painful and so on and so forth. It’s good to see him, he looks so good and happy and I’m glad that he got to see Mischief too because I know he misses her and she misses him too.

I am completely and utterly determined to do my best to change, and I have realized a lot during this month especially with what I need to change and I know how to go about to fix it and am working on these things as hard as I can. I just hope that he will see these things soon, hopefully enough to want to be friends again and then well, who knows? I know what I want the end result and I’m just wishing that he still wants the same…

The rest of the day after that whole thing went really well. Daphne and I saw The Green Hornet for free which was surprisingly really good, then we went to Smokey Bones which I had never been too before and it was really nice. It’s sad that it took so long for us to hang out but we’re certainly going to do it more often now and that makes me very happy!

Now I’m on the last episode of season one of Chuck,  and I’ve finished the first disc of season one of Pushing Daisies. So yay for making progress on TV series! I just need to loose myself in these shows so I don’t loose my mind!

You Are The Only Exception.

[It starting playing, with great timing, on Glee... Wow this show needs to get out of my head!]

Where do I even begin? I'm at a complete and utter loss of what to do with my decisions, and just with my life as a whole right now. I'm slowly breaking down into tears as I write this. I had a grip, I had control, but as soon as I start thinking of Jon and then we talk which we did for the first time in weeks tonight it just all screws with my perceptions on everything... 

I had fun the last couple of days hanging out with John and the Crescendudes, then Jimmy came to visit which was really nice but it's when I'm with them I find myself getting into my head and thinking of Jon. I hate to admit, but it's true. I compare and realize that no matter what or who I'm with, no one really makes me feel truly comfortable than Jon does. I do not think I can be myself around people, and it's not like I'm not trying because I am but I find myself holding things back because I get scared that people will not like my comments, or get my jokes, or like the fact that I enjoy watching things like Nickelodeon and Disney but I can't even watch those channels without thinking of Jon so I avoid them as much as possible.

Jon has made it clear that he doesn't want me waiting for him, and he is not waiting for me either but apparently that means that he still isn't seeing anyone. I'm not trying to get over him by getting under other people, but it's hard for me to hang out with guys without thinking of him. As much as I want to just move on, I can't bring myself too because I believe that we are still meant to be together. I don't find myself being attracted to others as strongly as I am to Jon... Ugh... I don't know. I don't want to shoot down any chance of a guy trying to be with me, not just try to get in my pants, well that's certainly difficult. But I can't see myself being "close" with anyone other than Jon, at this moment and probably for a while...  Sorry guys?

Now I have the option to go spend Christmas with Jon and his family and I'm really thinking about it's just there are so many things that are also running through my head. We talked about it and he says that he is mature enough to not want to kiss me, to just be friends, and hang out with one another and that I should be able to do all of this too. But the difference is that he has gone through this whole being with someone for a long period of time, then breaking up with them all before and though they ended badly, we are doing are best to be friends and possibly get back together. So this situation is different, I have not been so involved in anyone like this EVER before and I do not think I can just be friends with him. I want to try, I'm going to try because I know it's the only way that we will ever be able to get back together in the long run but I'm scared that I will just look into his eyes and want to kiss him. I believe I have the strength not do it, well at least I say that, but everything is easier said than done right?

The upside to going to Jon's for Christmas, not only to be able to see him again and his family, and the puppies but to see my friends down south because I would not be able to see them unless they traveled here for a couple of days which some said they might but still. So I guess that's a positive to think about.

I've talked to a few friends about this situation but none have given me a direct answer, just saying that whole "It's up to you." Like I didn't know that already? I just want people's opinions that's all. I was so desperate that I went to my dad for advice, through Facebook chat which I think just made it crazier and he says that it's better for me to stay here because I have to take care of Mischief and the apartment which is actually right. If I go to Jon's then I'd be gone from Thursday to Sunday and I know Lindsey will be here probably until Friday or Saturday but then she'll be gone until Sunday maybe, not entirely sure. But if that's the case then there will be no one here to take care of Mischief, so maybe my decision is already made for me?

If I don't go to Jon's, I can go and spend Christmas and the day after with Ross and his family which I truly appreciate the offer I just hate to intrude on someones Christmas plans. Or I can be strong, and spend the day alone, which I'm not really against the idea of because I think I could prove to myself that I can be alone on a day like Christmas (though I wouldn't really be alone because I have Mischief) or does that just make me sad and cat lady like?

Any advice would be appreciated! Please?

Past The Point of No Return

I want to post more, and I will later but for now here is an update.

Jon and I are not together anymore. Isn't that hard to fucking believe? I keep telling myself that I'll wake up from this nightmare and everything will be okay again but it won't and it may never will be. At this rate, Katie (my roommate) believes we're past the past the point of no return and we shall never get back together again, and you know what? I wanted to slit my wrists right after she did that but luckily my other friend name Katie Grey (I'll refer to her as Grey from now on) needed me to go as her buffer for this date she was going on so I couldn't get all emo. BUT I did, of course, because we went to this restaurant that was EXACTLY like Japan Inn which then caused me to nearly cry my eyes out but luckily Grey's date was humorous and said a few things that made me smile and from then on I did my best not to think about it.

But now I'm alone at my apartment wanting to pick up the phone and call him even if I took him off of speed dial, and deleted his number but it doesn't change the fact that I memorized it so that doesn't really help in the least. When I get stuck by myself, I get stuck in my thoughts and well it just all goes down hill from there... I really just want to cry but I don't have any tears left. I want to beg and plead with him to take me back but I've done that too many times which I hate to admit.

Well luckily my friends Ryan and Danny are letting me hang out with them again. I'm not looking forward to where we're going, I'm not in the mood to go to a porn store, but whatever. It'll distract me, I guess. So that's good.

what i did for love

You know those days where you just wish you could go back and change something that you’ve done just to see how things would be today? Well today is one of those days for me because of the lack of having something active to do I get the tendency to be stuck in my head, thinking. Most of you know me quite well and would know that can sometimes be a bad thing, not saying that this time is “bad” but it surely does mean I’m a little down, but hey I’m still smiling so that’s a good sign, right?

For today, I wished that I had not moved the USA. Why? Because I feel like I left a good life behind. I left an amazing, family oriented place along with a bunch of friends who I could rely on for everything and anything. But I didn’t see this when I was living there Oh no, I saw a place where I was crumbling, a place where I could only get by if I fought every moment of the way, and so I did I fought my way out and landed here. Six years later, I’m closer to those people I fought with than I ever could imagine. I talk to my mum more than I talk to my father, and HE LIVES HERE! It’s sad, but it’s true, and you know what? I would not have it any other way… except now. I want to go back. I don’t know if I could live there again because every time I go back I just feel like I don’t belong, but I want to go back for a couple of months to be able to talk to my mum in person, to hug my two youngest brothers, to fight with the oldest of my brothers, to spend time with my great aunts and uncles and to appreciate my granddads ability to emerge himself in a movie to a point where he is wriggling in his seat thinking it’ll help the guy that’s hanging off the cliff to get back up. Oh god, how I miss these simple little things that I took for granted time and time again.

It’s a blessing and a curse to have all my old friends (and some family members) from the UK on my Facebook. I love being able to reconnect with them, see how they are doing because it’s been more than six years since I’ve seen or spoken to quite a lot of them, so it’s great to finally be back in touch with all of them. But it kills me inside every time I see an updated statues about “going out on the town” or a new photo of them being somewhere that I used to pass every day, or them with people that I would sit next to in class and think that I would always see them so it didn’t matter what we did or said at the moment.  

I need to stop before I break down, for the second time today. Listening to the Glee’s version of “What I did for love” in the background is helping me write but also bringing me to tears. Quite the fitting song for this topic, I think, so I’m going to leave with a lyric from that said song that I just keep believing in, I did do this for love because I know if I had stayed then I feel like I may have ruin a lot of relationships with family members and friends… so I did the right thing... Right?

Love is never gone.
As we travel on,
Love's what we'll remember.
Kiss today goodbye,
And point me t'ward tomorrow.
We did what we had to do.
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for

(Hi! Since my friend isn't on the UCF network I'm posting this on his 
behalf. I'm his neighbor and I really love this neighborhood - can you 
help him out?)
Hello there!! Due to a surprise engagement, there's a vacancy in my 
apartment. Are you up to the challenge?
The room's in the Tivoli Apartment, conveniently located right next to 
UCF's campus. It has a nice gym, a good pool, and it's just a 
five-minute gentle walk to a Publix. It's the closest you can get to 
campus without living in a dorm. And it's also $100/month cheaper than 
campus - and no RAs.
We need <b>one male</b>, though a girl could work if everyone involved 
was okay with it.
What's included?
- Two cool roommates that like sports. All of them. Nick Salaka (recent 
grad, works locally, can fix your computer) and Richard Cassidy 
(accounting and money and... stuff degree). They watch sports on the 
living room TV and play a lot of 360 games. Good, clean guys.
- Your own washer and dryer. That's helpful.
- Couches, tables, and a 50" 1080P in the living room. Blu-rays look 
nice on it.
- In your room, there's a bunch of furniture -  bookcase, desk, chair, 
shelves... you'll just need a bed and TV. Or just a bed if you hate TVs. 
(This is fantastic since the room did not come with ANY furniture, so you're
getting it for free almost) 
- YOUR OWN BATHROOM. Girls generally care more than guys, but it's kinda 
a big deal.
The price? With utilities, about $550 a month. It depends on how much 
the electric and water come to. The rent itself is <b>$482</b> a month.
That's a lot cheaper than campus. This neighborhood is extremely safe 
compared to the other local apartments, and the price is pretty hard to 
beat for a 3/3.
Tivoli is located on McCollough just off of Alafaya. Here's a Google 
Maps link: http://tinyurl.com/2gayxpe
Interested? Let me know! This offer won't last long (I hope), so email 
me soon at email@dseeman.com! You can also send a Facebook message, of 
course, at Daniel Seeman.

dear asshole, fuck you.

how the fuck could you screw me over like that?
you're supposed to be my friend, you apparently 'like' me more than that, BUT obviously that doesn't mean SHIT because you completely fucked me over.

yes, I was "sick" meaning I was perfectly healthy APART from the pink eye. yes, I missed TWO rehearsals ((but have never missed a SINGLE ONE in the last TWO MONTHS)) because I didn't want to risk getting anyone infected though technically it was only contagious for the FIRST TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. And just as I was about to call to say I could make it to the rehearsal the very next day, you get someone else to e-mail me telling me you GAVE AWAY my role to someone who had just been given to it a few hours earlier and was called my understudy but NOW she has the freaking role. YOU didn't even bother to call FIRST to see if I was BETTER. and guess what shit head? I AM!

yes, you're dam fucking right i got pissed and started saying shit about you and the production team because NONE of you guys picked up your phones at the exact same time so that irritated me more. and you have the NERVE to get PISSED at ME?!?

fuck. you.


sure, it's been a couple of days since this actually happened but I'm doing my best to avoid you so I don't hit you.

there's a shit load of people who think this is complete BULL shit and wanna kick your ass. and so they should.

i dont want to see you for as long as it's possible.

and no, though i'm a sucker for ice cream, but I don't want it from you. it doesn't make this situation any better.

((okay so it's a couple of days late, but i was in bad shape when it happened. feels good to let the rest of the shit out now though. that and i'm not in the mood to go to bed yet. so yeah.))

anyone else but you.

I fail miserably at keeping up with this. Oh well, since I’m not confined to my room and can hardly see why not update it now?


Winter Break was certainly emotional, and well most of you know all about that. So I’m going to avoid that. Uhm, let’s see. Getting back to school was nice, it was strange to start a bunch of different classes but I guess that’s the fun of college to not be in the same class an entire year. So this semester I have: Theater Survey, Speech, Physical Science, Humanistic Traditions, English 1101 and a performance class in which I don’t have to even go to the class. Lol. It’s a credit you have to be enrolled in, in order to participate in the one acts.


Classes are going well, though they are almost over. Physical Science and Humanistic Traditions are the ones I’m having most trouble with. Physical Science because it’s math/science related crap that I just HATE! Humanistic Traditions because I can’t grasp philosophy. But other than those two, I think I’m doing well. I’ve made friends, or already had friends in the classes so that was a cool thing. Hope to hang out with these people next year too, but we’ll see.


The One Acts open in less than a week, and I’m sick. It would happen to me. I was completely fine since the beginning of rehearsals, never missing one but now that we open soon I WOULD get Pink eye. It’s so aggravating, but there’s nothing I can do about it but deal and get better. So I’m confined to my room on ‘quarantine’ as my roommate Katie would put it. But other than that, they are going well. One more than the other, but we’ll leave that alone. Lol.


Social events during this semester? Well I’ve been to all the late knights with friends lately, so that’s been cool. Saw Demetri Martin when he came to UCF, he was rather funny. Every Tuesday I’ve been going to Karaoke at Applebees with my Director from The Graduate and met TONS of people through him. So now I have A LOT more friends, and they are all very, very cool. What else… Uhmm… Oh, went to Cocoa Beach for the first time last weekend, that was fun. Sunburned a little but it was well worth it. This past Wednesday my friend Lindsey and I went to Tampa and I was able to surprise my High School theater troupe while they were at States. That was very fun! I saw RENT here, which let me down because I was told it was being done in ASL but it wasn’t other than that it was a rather good production. I also saw BEER: The Musical and Les Miserables and Antigone, two of which were UCF shows, Les Mis was a local high school performance. But all were great. Sure I’m missing a crap load of events, but that’s what I do.


I went home for Spring Break, stayed with Jon as my dad decided to move to Deerfield Beach. It’s a nice place, but it’s SOOO far from EVERYONE! I hate it! Apart from that it was nice to be back in Plantation, to see old friends. We got to see The Wiz so that’s was fun. We also saw Alice the movie, it was my first time seeing a movie in IMAX 3D so that was pretty epic. The trip was quite chill which Jon and I needed.


Jon has visited me at UCF countless number of times due to me having rehearsal and unable to get to UF. He took me to Animal Kingdom, which was cool as it was the first time I’d ever been there. Tons of fun! We recently went to campus and played tennis which was great since we hadn’t done that in a long time. We’re doing okay, working through things like we do. I appreciate everything he does for me, just need to be better at showing it. I love him, I’m in love with him, and that’s it. Just need to be better for him, and myself. That’s all.


Other than that, there isn’t much to say. My plans for Summer are still in the air. May be staying here, may be going home. Not entirely sure. It’s annoying but there’s nothing I can do about it really. Trying to get my place sub-leased for the summer, so if you know anyone that wants to stay in the Orlando area during may through august let me know!


That’s it for now. Hopefully I’ll be better and be able to actually see what I’m typing next time. XP